Merry Christmas y'all!!
We woke up to a white christmas this morning and it was beautiful. I'm glad it finally snowed. Christmas just isn't Christmas without snow.
Christmas isn't what it use to be for me. I love the month of December, I love Christmas and I love all that this season has to offer (other than grumpy customers at Joann) but it just was different this year. Maybe because all I did today was lay around and veg. Where as the last two years I was running between families trying to make everyone happy. Or maybe it's because this morning at 10 my grandma wasn't walking through the door like she use to.
Last night I worked at the tanning salon (I got a new job on top of joann this will be explained later.) Then at 4 I went home got Mila and went to my mom's. Scott had to work because of the snow so I dropped Mila off and went to my aunt and uncle heinz's house where all my cousins were going to be. I love them all. They have embraced me and supported me through all of my ups and downs. They gave me a gift that was the best gift I've ever received. It's a snow man that has poinsettias on it and it had the word "grandmother" engraved the the back of the middle snowball and the head has a gardening hat on.
I called her this morning to tell her thank you and she asked me if I was ok? And that I seemed a little down last night. I didn't know that I had been acting any different but I had been feeling a little blue all day. Just isn't the same without her.
After I left their house I headed back to my mom's to get my jammies and get Mila. I spent Christmas eve with dallen at his mom's in inkom. It was a lot of fun and I'm grateful to have dallen in my life right now. He is very sweet to me and treats me so well. It's so nice. And I adore him.
But today just wasn't the same without her. I know she is always with me and sometimes I forget that. But I would give everything to have just one more Christmas with her. Ok let's be honest I'd give everything to have her back period.
One day I won't have to be without her on Christmas.
Xoxo
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